9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
