i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
