Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
