Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
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