if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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