thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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