i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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