I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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