I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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