just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Randomize
