I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
