I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
