Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
