Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
