YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
