Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
