there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
