The maid of honor just puked.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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