I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
