life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
This baby is an asshole
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
