Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
