girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I said "one day" and that day is not today
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
