I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
