I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
