you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
