he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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