I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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