so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
