god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
