he thought i was a dude.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
