Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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