I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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