Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Randomize
