Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
