I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
so let's talk penis.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
