I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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