I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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