why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
