As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Panties = found
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
