She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
