Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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