ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
