At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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