those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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