idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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