Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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