She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
