Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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