I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
