Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I just found a bag of teeth...
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
