The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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