so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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